I was listening to some music earlier in an attempt to cheer myself up. It worked. The right music, the right message can make all the difference. It is simply too easy to fall back into my bad place. My current financial and work search struggles keep threatening to overwhelm me. Yesterday and today I found myself moping and letting my anxieties get a foothold. That is a slippery slope and I knew it, but sometimes it is simply more energy than I have to pull myself out of that funk. After getting very frustrated, irritated, depressed and so on, I was in my bad place. I usually call my mom to talk those things out and feel better. Unfortunately, she had been dredging through the same issues. She tried to cheer me up, and I appreciated that, but the conversation left me in a darker mood than before. I decided to write about how I was feeling, but I was having trouble clearing my mind enough to string together my thoughts. I’m always telling others, writing in this posts and generally annoying people with the message that we need to “focus on Jesus,” it was about time I took my own advice. This is where the music comes in to the story. My name is Melody, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that I love music. I can’t sing, play an instrument or write a sonata, but I sure do love to listen to those who can. I searched out a song and then let the music mix randomly. One fantastic message after another reminding me of what I have and what I really need in my life: “Lord I need you” by TobyMac, “Joy” by For King and Country, “Only Jesus” by Casting Crowns and more. All good messages, all ones that brought energy and light into my bad place. Oh, that beautiful Light. One of the last songs to play before I was finally ready to write this post ends with this message:
"I don't want another day to pass
Not another moment
I wanna live intentionally
In light of eternity
I wanna love like You love
I wanna love with my life"
--Hollyn "Love with Your Life"
I have let too many moments go by, too many opportunities to love and be loved, too many days passed while I was in my bad place. I wish I could promise myself that I would never go back there again. Truth is, I’m fallible and I’m human. Unfortunately, I’m also susceptible to depression. Thankfully, God is patient. With Him, I have faith that my visits to my bad place will happen less frequently. He wants me to “love with my life” and He will always be there to show me how. Dear Lord, help me to live each moment intentionally for You, “in the light of eternity.”